and now i am...

So, so, so , so de-fucking-termined. So i've decided that yes.. this is the year of change. i've been doing okay so far, when it comes to one thing. the others are coming along.. the hardest unfortunately is skipping school LOL. it's mostly day 1's but i'm gonna stop that too. i've already got about 6 absenses for gym which is the only class i really care about. and physics is always just hard but i can't really do much about that. man, of all people i should know this already, but it always surprises me when things happen or people do things that you least expect. it's a real doozy it is. oh well, i have to stop drinking, but i dunno.. every weekend i find a reason to.. but i'm going to try and cut down atleast, it takes a little at a time. and it's about time to put into action my find me a new boy scheme... i've already got things a churning in my mind. that's just me.. always thinking ahead. gosh life has been so boring for me lately, it's a good thing and a bad thing. boring means no trouble.. but then again, boring means NO trouble. and we all know how self-sabotaging people like me like trouble.. anyways.. there's not really much to say right now but just thoguht i'd put something out there.
p.s. I want to go KARAOKING SOOOOOOOOOO BAD ! mannn, i saw an episode of one tree hill and been feeling it since... i've yet to decide who to go with but damn.. i can't WAIIITTT.. i'm thinking girls night but knowing me.. i fucking HATE girls nightt =( boooo-urns.. i'll think of something. i ALWAYS do.

and it's about time..

TO MAKE RESOLUTIONS !!!! YAYYYY ! yes my friends.. it's the new year. and my am i glad because last year was pretty FUCKED for me.. but i live because i'm gangster. and for the year 2009 i only have one major resolution that i'm going to try and achieve... and that is..
1) STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE..
yupp, that basically somes up about everything i want to do in every area in life. it's gonna be hard.. but i'm determined i swear. of course this is what i happen to say EVERY year but hey, what can you do.
and i've decided that i am going to let things go.. because get all dramatic about the new year saying new starts and what not and as much as i make fun of them, i suppose i kinda want to do that same thing. it's gon' be hard but hey, i've always set impossible goals for myself.. keeps shit interesting.
sooo RANDOM FACT time : since the beginning of winter break i've fucked up my sleeping scheduale so today i am going to fix it.. i've had 5 hours sleep and i'm gonna try and go the rest of the day without sleeping.. so i need distractions, and i need them constantly. it's gonna be hard but i'll do it.. school is tomorrow and i have to get to sleep because at the rate i'm going.. i'll be the walking dead when it comes around. and i'll probably end up sleep walking.. hopefully school is cancelled tomorrow, even for just a day...
and P,S. FUCK THE SNOW !

and doesn't life.

just REALLY fucking SUCK ? now let me tell you, me and god have this interesting love/hate relationship.. i swear this to be true. but, lately i feel that his love is slowly being engulfed by the hate. karma some would say but i was never the kind of girl to believe in that.. i'd say that the big guy's pulling a pretty nasty prank called vengeance on me. s'all goot though. i can handle whatever the guy pulls on me, JUST WATCH ME !
one thing i notice he really likes to do is make timing of the most inconvenience. i mean seriously.. that one fucking day i decide NOT to stay home.. and you pull that on me !!!!!! god, shit like that makes me so fucking angry.. and goddamnit this could probably be solved if i jumped off this high horse that i'm on but fuck that.
come to think of it, you don't deserve me hopping off my high horse anyways.. i'm supposed to be over all this shit. so i wont. and i'll torture myself like i always do. but, in the end i will not give in. i fucking refuse. you play a good fucking game.. and to top it off you always were an asshole..
and i HATE how much i fucking like it..

worst of all, i hate how much you know it. Game on.

Random Fact: i am a pretty big hypocrite. althgouh i think i'm the shit, i fucking hate people who think they are better than me. Fuck that you shitty fuck. i'm not some injured girl you have to watch out for.. i'm don't get phased over things easily. i'm not stupid, so don't treat me like i am. don't worry about me, because i got my own damn self covered /end rant

P.S. winter break cannot come fast enough. i'm just sick and tired of all this shit. i need to get away.. AGAIN.

keep it gangster, chrizzle.

and here i am.

staying home from school yet again.. it's not FULLY my fault i swear, i only wanted to skip physics and french which is bad enough but my mom was like mind as well skip the rest of the day too, hopefully she drives me to english though. i would go myself but it's not my fault i live in the middle of the abyss now. where there are no skytrains in sight and buses come every half an hour.. so fuck that is what i say. English is kind of important today thgouh, so i'm hoping i can make it. but, anyways.. i'm gonna try and make a promise that i won't skip now until christmas break.. hopefully that will work but knowing me.. it won't.
on another note, i didn't really do much this weekend.. because i lost my phone and life pretty much sucks without it. but i did go to friends birthday, which was fun but made me never want to drink again lol.. maybe that's a good thing though. too many people got jacked up in the end.. i did not for the first time in my life. and then on saturday all i did was hang out with my favourite white boys.. haven't had fun like that in a long time.. but, still my so called friend would introduce me to his girlfriend last????? that is so mean, i would SO behave when there is someone new around.. for a bit. but i guess i could see where he's coming from.. i am a cougar after all.. those fuckers !

RANDOM FACT: i'm so sad right now.. i know why but, i don't wanna say why. Bitch move? totally but, as we all know.. i am the queen bitch.
P.S. I also got totally locked in my own bathroom yesterday.. and i thoguht my family went out shopping so i was gonna be in there for at least a couple hours. but, then as i'm trying to maguiver or however you spell it, my way out i hear giggling from the other side.. so i'm like WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! and start banging on the door and finally my mom opens it and i'm like freaking out like the person i am and she has the nerve to say "i know the door's like that, you have to push it in" and then i'm thinking like what the hell did it look like i was trying to do for the last ten minutes??? well fuck that, man and my brother just laughs and then right then they fix the door.. fucking fuckers. that was probably the worst 10 minutes of my life.

and there it goes.

after all this time, it's all gonna go down like this. I suppose it could be my fault but, truthfully i don't think it is. I'm weak, atleast i can be but, you piss me off enough and boy, you really do, i can be pretty heartless. You had me good but, here's the oddest thing: i know you'll miss me. no one could ever take you on like i could. sure, you'll simmer in the back of my mind for a bit but honey trust me, i've gone through enough assholes like you for it to not phase me.

in other news, fuck bitches. period. that's about somes up my last view vents for the last few weeks. I haven't really had anything to write about recently and honestly, i knew i wasn't gonna write in this thing alot anyways. too many thoughts, too explicit to share. so basically, fuck life.
Another thing, i've never really noticed how much i've needed my naps. fucking basketball takes away all my napping time, I JUST WANNA SLEEP SOMETIMES. even better, this wednesday i'm going to get a matress, it's gonna be so sad to think about my new bed at home while i'm running laps or something.. DEPRESSING. but, in even better news, i lost my phone... for reals this time. of course i was wasted (note: Gin is a bitch) but, this time it DIDN'T COME BACK ! =( now i'm stuck all the way in burnaby(ish) and without a phone. I dont think i'm ever going out again, everything is just going against me. phones like to malfunction (and be lost by retarded owners), familes like to move into the middle of the abyss and little girls don't get their sleep. ain't my life a doozy?!
and another thing, i'm just gonna declare myself the booze fairy because, for some reason (WHICH I'M SURE IS UNJUSTIFIED) all my friends like to come to me and ask me to get them shmammered. whcih of course i would, but goddamn, all this reliance on me is makin' me alls weary. but, to conclude, i'd hella do it. winter break is coming in 3 weeks, so i'm just gonna not skip until then and possibly not drink?! but we know i'm a failure when it comes to that so uh, don't get no hopes up. i should start a christmas list and a new years resolution thing, but thoughs never end up working for me because for ovbious reason, i suck penis. big time.
i'll do that in a couple weeks, because things i want, i want to get myself... and i'm spending most of winter break with the fams anyways.. it's what i do. i loves the famjams.

RANDOM FACT: when i was younger, i put a zevra as one of the things i wanted for christmas. kids are fucking ridiculous man, because really, i'd rather have a monkey.

and you really think.

That everything is going to be the same again ?! YYEEEEUH right. honey, ain't no fucking WAY you can be like that and walk back in again like nothing happened. Sorry but, i'd rather see you grovel...
And P.S. Like my good ol' friends The All American Rejects say "when you see my face, i hope it gives you hell"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTQj1yEvlUY&feature=related

Recap: 'RANDOM FACT: Dracula has the ugliest voice ever. But, if anyone were to do that Dracula opera for me from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" i'd totally tap that shit.'

Funny story my friends, after posting that comment yesterday, i find myself sitting in english class earlier today with my group members Jennifer, Elliot (moose) and Lyle. As we work on our project like the good little children we are (or not..) the subject of the movie comes up again and wouldn't you happen to know it, LYLE IS A BIG FAN ! and then quickly begins to recite his rendition of the exact same dracula song i was speaking of. Moral of Story: Careful what you wish for, you may have to end up fucking Lyle.. (after we finish the project of course)
In other news, i'm supposed to be doing my Planning right now but.. it's not loading for me.. so for the first time in my life, I HAVE A LEGIT EXCUSE ! i'm going to also try and sleep early today, it should work.. i didn't nap (fucking late baskeetball practices)
anyways.. PEACE !

RANDOM FACT: Today for some reason my legs started fucking up and i was walking home like a gimp. Not only that but some old lady was behind me and i mistakenly reacted to her as if she was a rapist.. NOT a pretty site folks.

and once again.

I FAILED. i suppose it's kind of an on-going habit for me. Me, being the smart person i am, attempted to sleep without an alarm clock.. once again showing faith in myself that i really shouldn't have. To make the story short, i slept in until 12:30. which sucks because i am unable to go into foods late, and i refuse to go to school without brushing my teeth, i'm lazy NOT unhygenic. So anyways, that's about the BILLIONTH foods class i've missed. I really can get an A in that class i swear, that is.. if i went. I was doing really good on my skipping for a while, but then once you start.. it's so hard to stop. People who've said that to me in the past and had me refuse to believe you in return, I fucking apologise. IT'S LIKE A FUCKING DRUG. Thing is.. i dont even really mind school all too much, it's the waking up and going to it that pisses me off. I am naturally nocturnal and can't really do anything about it.. like a fucking bat. sometimes i wonder if i'm adopted and my real birth parents are actually vampires.. i mean i get that alot from my brother. "Hey Christina, you fucking vampire, are you actually walking around in the day light?". I suppose i should get angry at this comment because OBVIOUSLY i don't fucking melt under the sun but, in truth i can see where he's coming from. I mean it's pretty fucking accurate. Most nights i dont sleep until somewhere in the a.m's and then when i do get to sleep i dont wake up until somewhere along the afternoon. and even at that point sometimes i don't even wanna go anywhere after that but, if i do i don't even leave my house until it's already the night. I even went one whole summer with people thinking i was allergic to the sun but, admittance of the day: I just wanted to stay home and read.. due to a phase of mine that i'd rather not admit to the public just yet. Maybe, work with me here, my life is like Twilight.. but real version. And instead of being the faggoty girl i'm that amazing i-can-do-anything-because-i'm-mythical vampire. but, of course it can't be possible.. because i can't even pull of the most mundane task such as... oh i dont know, GOING TO SCHOOL ?!?!?! i want to make a promise and say that i shall go to every single class until winter break.. but honestly? who am i kidding, that's one whole fucking month to pull off.. eff that shit. there's always next term ;) Speaking of which, why is it that whenever someone fails at something (read: me, everyday) they always try and brush it off and say "don't worry, i'lll do better next time".. I'm pretty fucking notorious for this and it's like.. no you fucking won't. This is the next time you were talking about next time you procrastinating bitch, how about you get off you're fucking ass and do something about it NOW !!!! but in truth, no ones inner voice is as mean as mine is. Seriously, for the longest time we have always learned to give ourselves second chances.. but that's fucking ridiculous.. i mean if you keep letting yourself do shit, you're gonna fail. Take it from me.. i suck harsh dick.. literally and figuratively NAW WHAT I'M SAYIINNN' ?!?!?!
but, i digress...
We always ask ourselves whether or not we should give someone else a second chance, and then some inner morals piece of shit person gives you the pros and cons and you decide from that.. it's funny though isn't it? because when it comes to giving ourselves a second chance, there's no arguement needed. we always down play are mistakes and worry about it later. but, such is life.. no more of this talk.. just makes me depressed because i literally am famous for doing everything i'm complaining about.
Anyways, /end rant. I want to go do some more shopping.. well because, like skipping: once you start, YOU DON'T WANNA STOP ! i'm going this weekend with my main man Mike. Hopefully we don't ditch eachother again.. like usual.

RANDOM FACT: Dracula has the ugliest voice ever. But, if anyone were to do that Dracula opera for me from "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" i'd totally tap that shit.
And P.S: I totally broke my bracelet that i've had on for two years today.. it's considered bad luck and my wrist feels totally naked without it.. i need something to compensate FAST !